Perils of expat life come to fore DEREK MILROY International visitors are seen on a boat in Can Tho City in this July 20, 2013 photo. Tuoi Tre When I heard the news about the death of a British woman in the city last week, my first thoughts went out to her family back home. The biggest fear for those close to Julia Anne Jay was realized when she was found dead in a run-down guest house in the Pham Ngu Lao (backpackers) area of the city. Even worse was the grim news that her body had lain undiscovered for a few days and started to decompose. Apparently she left Britain aged 19, determined to travel the world and hone her craft of fortune telling after learning the skill from a friend. She spent her nights in the backpackers’ area helping backpackers and expatriates alike and, occasionally, Vietnamese with her readings. Armed with her tarot cards, intuition, and knowledge of the palm, she was unique in the expatriate community, supporting herself entirely through fortune telling. She reportedly ran a guesthouse in Bali, Indonesia and also became interested in meditation. But that’s just the background; I guess no one will really know what happened to her with police continuing their investigation into the mysterious death. Now as a fellow expatriate I know myself that life on the road is not easy, I’ve been away for six years now, and we all go through some dark times. No matter how much we sugar-coat it, it is really tough being so far away from friends and family at certain times. Sometimes we forget about them and then something happens and we feel like we are missing out on our old life back home. Siblings have babies, friends or family get married, big football games or even deaths where we cannot pay our respects. The thing is, though, we have made that choice to miss out on our old lives to live a different life in Vietnam or wherever we are. We made that choice for a reason. Maybe we didn’t feel home at home and were searching for something different, somewhere where we fit in or feel more comfortable, so off we went on an adventure full of optimism and adventure. Some crash and burn early and head home with a sigh of relief to be back but others fight through the storms to find a better but certainly not easy life. And if a veteran expat thinks it is time to go home? Sometimes a trip back home for a few weeks dispels that feeling as we realize that, while we have moved on to a completely different life, different ideals, thoughts on how we should live life, our home countries have stayed exactly the same. No movement. It is like a step back in time and if you want that fair enough, go for it. But most expatriates are gone literally. They cannot return home. They have made that choice in their mind and it is not for budging. Some expats think that being surrounded by friends and family can help them through a rough time, but those same friends and family have moved on with their lives while ‘you’ve been enjoying yourself travelling the world’. You didn’t fit there before but now it is even worse, there is no place for you back there. Now we will never know what was going on in the mind of Ms Jay but after speaking to the man who lived below her, American Liam McLaughlin, it was apparent she was struggling. We have all been there. He said she had been sick in recent times, complaining of different things and a week before her death he said she was all dressed to go out and was looking so happy, then she sat on the stairs deflated and then went back to her room. Of course when something like this happens, the rumor mill goes into overdrive. A neighbour insisted that drugs caused her death, another claimed she was pregnant but then changed their story to she had an adult daughter. Mr McLaughlin, who knew her quite well, admitted she had an alcohol problem but had been dealing with it. I think her death has had a telling effect on him as he also looked in a bit of a bad way in a run-down abode, let’s just say the guest house did not resemble the Park Hyatt. McLaughlin admitted to me the whole experience had shaken him up enough to suggest heading back home to Pennsylvania. He said at 58 maybe it was time for his adventure to finish and enjoy his retirement years. He is a brave man to go back after a long time away but maybe her death was a message to him that his time is up. Some expats think that if they go back home they will be branded a failure when that is far from the case. So many people there would love to trade places and have their experience even for a few days, never mind years or decades. Living far from the country of your birth is challenging, impossible and so tough at times but is also the most enjoyable, humbling, learning experience. You learn that that big world out there is accessible. Enjoy every minute.